Picture it. Marion. 2008. You're sitting in a cafe with three friends, calmly sipping your sticky-sweet tea. You know, the kind that coats your gullet on the way down and is probably the leading cause of adult sugar-betes in 12-year-olds in the rural South. Nothing unusual about the day, really, except that a restaurant in Marion besides J&R's is moderately full of people. You've ordered the catfish sandwich, because it's a better deal really than the catfish plate--two catfish filets with toast, tomatoes, and lettuce and a side (mac & cheese is your favorite) for $5.95. You like to drench it in hot sauce, something you use on everything but your Cheerios. You notice on the big-screen TV in the corner of the dance floor (yes, the dance floor) that Brett Favre is on Fox news announcing that he may return to the NFL. You wish he would just retire for real already, move back to Mississippi, and call you up to wash his socks. You also notice the fella sitting near the dance floor with no food or drink, just a wacky smile. Moments later, this normal scene goes awry. Not only do the Packers not want Favre back, but the strange fella with the wacky smile has stood up and started chanting . . . E-S-S-E-X! But you miss the first two letters. Not to worry, he chants it again . . . E-S-S-E-X! What? E-S-S-E-X! E-S-S-E-X! Your friends stare at the table beneath them hoping it will save them from this mad man. You grin at the situation and try not to let your inner guffaw escape . . . it might draw Mr. E-S-S-E-X! to your table. He might try to E-S-S-E-X! you up right in the middle of your catfish sandwich. Then, just as quickly as it started, it's over. All the people chatting over their club sandwiches and fried chicken glance furtively around at the other tables, trying not to let their amusement or fear be known. After all, someone in there might be related to him. Real stories. Real people. Real funny.
I also spent some time in the Tuscaloosa branch of the Alabama Thrift Store this weekend while waiting to go to see The Dark Night (I highly recommend it). I ran across these gems perched atop the shelves at the end of the shoe section.
Tempted as I was, I didn't buy them.
Tomorrow I head West! I'm driving my parents to Kansas for my mom's sister's 65th wedding anniversary. Should be a blast. Hopefully, I'll come back with a camera full of strange pictures and videos to share. Remember me in your bedtime prayers. As excited as I am about touring Dodge City and maybe running into Matt Dillon at Boot Hill (from Gunsmoke, for you city slickers), I'm not excited about the drive out there.
See you next Tuesday, Lord willing and the creek don't rise.
Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation . . . it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much ... fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our ... smiles! --Clark W. Griswold
6 comments:
Most excellent blog. Thank you for sharing; I think I may have just let a little of my inner guffaw out.
I, too, enjoyed the Dark Knight.
And may the force be with you on your journey, friend.
I have just left you a voice mail!!!!!! I can NOT stop laughing and everyone that I work with is trying to figure out what is so funny! Seriously, this is one of the funniest things. However, I want to "hear" you tell me this story, through short breaths as you are laughing to recount this event!!! Were you tempted even in the least to go dance on the dance floor to his chant???? Have a wonderful trip with your parents. Play car games on the way out there. Your dad seems like someone who would enjoy car games!!! :) We miss you Susi!!!
Craziness. I think I should visit and you should take me to this restaurant. Perhaps we can do a little chanting of our own. It will be fun. And it will provide a good story.
Sus, this post has been the highlight of my day...not sure what that says about me, but nonetheless...absolutely the highlight of my day. Thank you! And please, if you discover what E-S-S-E-X is supposed to mean, please, please update!
okay... i can't keep laughing through my nose like this trying to not wake up Laura Beth. it can't be good for my nostrils.
Thankfully everyone I work with already thinks that I'm crazy so they are ignoring my hysterical laughter. You have some of the best stories ever!
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