insert the song from "Deliverance" here

OK. Eva isn't that bad, but it does seem that every time I talk to my mom (every day) that something strange has happened there (murder-for-hire, moonshine stills, abnormally large produce-for a population of 550, that's some wacked-up mess). And every time I go home something crazy happens to me. This past weekend was no exception.

After helping grill hotdogs for VBS Saturday, I went with my dad and uncle Gibby to pick some plums. Now, VBS was a story in itself--there were 3 terrible kids there who belong to my first suitemate at Judson, who left because she thought she was pregnant by her roommate's boyfriend (I was afraid to sit on the toilet seat the whole first semester). While I was cooking the hotdogs, my dad made a comment about the way I dress. He implied that I was too casual, but he used some kind of country terminology that I really wish I would have written down (another quote from the day was, "It rained like a cow pissing on a flat rock"). I quickly snapped that his wardrobe consisted of blue jumpsuits and a ratty hat. He retorted, "I'll have you know that this hat has gotten me in the news twice lately." He has been pictured in the Decatur Daily commenting about the new soccer field at the elementary school and interviewed on WAFF-48 news about the new sidewalk from the school to the 4-way all within the past month. Watch the video. It's hilarious. You can't miss my dad . . . he's the one in the blue jumpsuit and ratty hat. He said something about the sidewalk being environmentally friendly, too, but they left that out. You'll also see our version of Paris Hilton and a reporter wearing blue flip-flops (I thought they had to dress up).

Anyway . . . my dad likes to go up to the store at the 4-way and shoot the bull with all the old men in town and one of them had told him to come over and get all the plums he wanted. His house was farther away than the sidewalk goes, so my uncle drove us over. The folks weren't home, so we walked around their house looking for the plum trees. After we found them, my uncle told me to go around back and get the 6-foot ladder out of the shed so he could pick from the top. So, even though I felt strange pilfering through someone else's shed, I went down and found the ladder. After watching some sort of critter scuttle across the floor, I picked up the ladder. Immediately, a wasp flew from its home beneath a rung and straight at my nose. I believe wholeheartedly that it was aiming to put my eye out, but luckily I had on sunglasses. Strangely enough, it didn't hurt as much as plucking my eybrows, but it swelled up something awful. I went back to the plum tree ladder-free and told them what had happened. While I waited on the ice pack and Benadryl from my mom, I picked and ate about 20 delicious plums from the lower branches. They went on to pick a 5-gallon bucket full without a ladder. I went home and passed out from all the Benadryl with an ice pack stuck to my forehead. And I bear no scars today.


"Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain." -William Faulkner